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Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened?
Get the "No-How" you need to take back your life
Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness.
Bestselling author Dr. Susan Newman helps you break your debilitating "yes" habit with her simple techniques, scenarios, and insights. Tackling family, friends, coworkers, and even pushy salespeople, The Book of No helps you
- Recognize when someone is manipulating you into saying "yes"
- Avoid being socially overcommitted, and put an end to feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt
- Get more enjoyment out of the time you make for friends and family
- Establish boundaries and be more focused and effective at work
- Sales Rank: #173296 in Books
- Published on: 2005-11-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.20" h x .54" w x 5.40" l, .50 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 197 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Do you feel guilty when your child demands that you launder his soccer uniform immediately? Does an out-of-town friend suddenly want you to clear your calendar for an unexpected visit? In this handy manual, social psychologist Newman (Parenting an Only Child) writes with humor but a no-nonsense tone, offering 250 short, dramatic scenes that demonstrate workable techniques for helping you just say no. Newman contends that for many people, saying yes to whatever is asked of them is an unhealthy pattern driven by a need for approval, love or admiration, rather than a desire to help. To those who make a habit of accommodating others against their better judgment, the author suggests making a weekly list of yeses, noting if your time is well managed, learning to prioritize and set limits and giving up the need to be in control. Newman outlines familiar examples of demands made by friends, family and co-workers, and even forceful strangers such as telemarketers (just refuse and hang up). Although Newman doesn't write specifically for women, most of her illustrations present wives, mothers and workers as typical of today's overwhelmed yes women.
Copyright � Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From the Back Cover
"This book will free you. It is one of the most liberating, empowering, and practical topics I've seen . . . and Susan Newman does a masterful job bringing it home."
--Joseph Grenny, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Crucial Confrontations
"The skill of saying 'no' is essential for a life of freedom and dignity. Dr. Newman's book, through a series of carefully analyzed examples, teaches that skill."
-- Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D., coauthor of Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No
Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened?
Get the "No-How" you need to take back your life
Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness.
Bestselling author Dr. Susan Newman helps you break your debilitating "yes" habit with her simple techniques, scenarios, and insights. Tackling family, friends, coworkers, and even pushy salespeople, The Book of No helps you
- Recognize when someone is manipulating you into saying "yes"
- Avoid being socially overcommitted, and put an end to feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt
- Get more enjoyment out of the time you make for friends and family
- Establish boundaries and be more focused and effective at work
About the Author
Susan Newman, Ph.D., a social psychologist, is the author of thirteen relationship and parenting books, including Parenting an Only Child, Little Things Long Remembered, and Nobody's Baby Now. Visit Dr. Newman's website at www.thebookofno.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
48 of 54 people found the following review helpful.
Contradictory advice which is rarely useful
By Neil M. Stewart
I'm skeptical whenever I see a book get rave reviews then one lone poor review, but there are some things about this book I wish I knew before I bought it.
The book is heavily gender biased. It is no secret that men and women communicate differently, which is fine; but when I bought this book after reading the back cover and hearing about it on msn's news highlights I was expecting general advice which couls be helpful to all. Instead the book seems to be more based on interactions from and with women. A direct quote, "You are dieting and planned a yogurt to get you through dinner....", another quote "We're having a baby shower for Ellen..... You'll be there, right?"
I don't mind the gender specific situations so much, as they can be applied to different situations, but even the advice seems skewed to the more feminine trait of being liked rather than assertive, which gets to my real beef with the book; IT CONTRADICTS ITSELF. The introduction warns that you should say "No" and be assertive wihtout making excuses or lying. Instead of discussing how to be assertive while at the same time being social; the book goes on to provide situations and the corresponding way to say no, most of which are lies or excuses. I don't have time... I wish I would but.... It's impossible for me to do now...I told Amy I'd do that with her.... Just saying no and sticking to your guns is hardly ever mentioned. Other solutins in the book involve leaving things open ended "I'll have to see..." or compromisng on something you know you don't want to do in the first place, "I'll do the planning but someone else has to do the lunches" (loose quote I couldn't find it again).
If you still think you want to read this book, go to the library.
20 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
Great resource for treading the NO waters
By Meryl K. Evans
We all know someone who, like Oklahoma's Ado Annie, just "cain't say no." These folks accept every project. Every volunteer job. While everyone around them loves and appreciates them (or not), they're often tired and do little for themselves. Some people who fall into this group may not even realize they're on automated mode when agreeing to help.
The Book of No contains 250 scenarios and how to handle them so that you say no. Before the entering the bulk of the book that contains the scenarios, Newman covers five basics to get you started with this No business as well as a 16-point No Credo to remind you that you have the right to say no. Saying no is a learned skill, and the scenarios can help the yes-person develop the courage to say no.
Each scenario poses a question or statement followed by three parts:
* What's going on here? - Explains the situation and possible motives.
* Response - How to respond so the answer ends in a No.
* Alert - A warning to help you the next time you get into the situation or contains insight so you better understand what's going on.
A person who has the courage to say no may feel terrible and guilty afterward. The scenarios don't simply advise saying no, but instead provide honest and guilt-free responses. For example, someone at work asks if you're available for lunch on certain days. The response, "Thanks for including me, but I can't squeeze another thing into my crammed schedule this week."
The scenarios are grouped into four areas for quick referencing: friends, family, work, and difficult people, which include situations with sales people and those who provide services.
The book concludes with a bulleted list of key lessons to provide reinforcement to keep you focused on the road to accomplishing more of what you want and less of what others want. The brief introduction and conclusion with the well-sorted scenarios in between make the book a great tool for people who need support in their journey to say no.
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
Saying Yes Too Often Can Get You In Trouble
By Elaine
I just read all the other reviews and I think I have to say "NO" to the reviewer who said this book is gender biased. My husband read this book before me and thought it was very well organized with a creative format and helpful to him (and he does not have a serious problem with saying NO). I do have the problem of knowing how & when to say NO and mean it. This book covers interactions with family members, friends, co workers and bosses and applies to men as well as women.
As a result of reading this book, I have started to become much more focused on how I need to spend my time and energy, so saying I am sorry, I am overwhelmed with commitments right now has gotten much easier.
Thanks to Dr. Newman, I am much less stressed about saying NO, which gives me the time to work on things that are improtant to me and my family.
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